Teenagers are the weirdest creatures on God's green Earth! Sometimes they love ya and sometimes they hate ya...it all depends on, well, I don't even know what it depends on. The moon? The Stars? High tide, low tide? The sky being blue? The weather? It's Tuesday? I have no idea what drives these peoples moods (can I call them people at this stage of life?).
I have one of these "people" going on 15 in a few weeks. We are basically halfway through now and they say if you're halfway through hell, keep going. So that is what we will do. I feel like I need a Masters Degree to navigate these years.
I know, I was once a teenager too but I wasn't like this...oh no, I was much worse, so I do have an appreciation for the "struggles" that I am going through with mine. She gets good grades but is a complete social butterfly. Her best friend is great and has goals and dreams. I whole-heartedly believe that a teenager can be made or broken by the friends they keep and she has done well in this area. She is starting to break into the boy-craze her dad and I feared. I am hopeful though because the boys she likes right now are all good students and also have extra curricular activities to keep them occupied on something other than my daughter all the time. She also knows that eventually they have to meet Mom and Dad and they better be up to par.
There are very fine lines when trying to keep an open relationship with your teens. It might be easy to become too much of a friend that you don't have their respect and it becomes hard to discipline or lead them and maybe you know TOO much OR you can become too distant that you don't know what is going on in their lives and it becomes harder to discipline or lead. It can be hard to find the balance. I would imagine that it is not always a bad thing to be kept in the dark about some things. Of course, that is what I struggle with. There are some things a mom should know and maybe a dad shouldn't when dealing with these teenage girls and vice versa for teenage boys, I'm sure. I will not say they are secrets but maybe private knowledge. Yeah, I like that, private knowledge.
I do sometimes hear the "Don't tell Dad" line and then it is a judgement call for me. Sometimes, I know he has to know and I give her the options, usually these are the ones she can choose from
-I will tell him while you are there
-You will tell him while I am there
-You can tell him on your own
I very rarely give the option of "I will tell him on my own" only because it really isn't mine to tell and she needs to feel comfortable talking to her dad, point blank, period, end of story. This also helps him to be objective. I know some of you have the dad or even married a guy that immediately flies off the handle at some things or just shuts down at others. He has done much better with hearing her out, sending her to her room, thinking about what was said and calmly talking to her about it later...and sometimes we all yell and scream at each other until we all separate into different corners of the house. Fun times. Basically, no one gets off scot-free in the wake of the teenage years. We are all going down together.
I must admit, I love the times that she sits out in the living room with her little sister and I, or says let's watch a movie. Sometimes, when given the option to stay home or come to some lame (for her) family outing, she chooses to come with us. She has even said things like "That was a good family day"...while I play it all cool on the outside like "Yeah, it was" Inside I am screaming "PARENTING WIN!!" and my heart smiles!
What I will say, because the last 6 paragraphs I said nothing apparently, is that it is very important to give your teenagers your perspective on serious issues. They might roll their eyes or seem like they aren't listening, but they are. When they are in the middle of a situation and they aren't sure what to do, or what is right and wrong, a little voice pops up in the back of their head to help guide them in their decision...make sure that little voice is yours.
Teenagers are awesome....sometimes.
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